Update on us 7/13/12

13 Jul

As the two-year marker closes in, reality has definitely found her place among us.

This reality is sometimes awesome:  Graham is doing so well!  He’s working, he’s being a dad, he’s a husband to me.  He’s a good uncle, brother, friend.  He’s not depressed and chooses every day to see the positive in his situation.

But the reality stings too.  It’s hard:  he’s been changed in every area of his life.  And although these areas may seem small, there are LOTS of them.  Some days they add up for me and I feel I’m facing this big pile of missed abilities, talents and gifts that he was once using so faithfully for the Lord.

I don’t understand it.  Still.  After two years I haven’t gotten any closer to having the answers.  I still grieve parts of him.  And I have to accept what the Lord has allowed in our lives.  Sometimes even bigger than that is the acceptance of who Graham is.

Now.  Today.

I am guilty of craving that other guy.  The guy before the accident.  The one who could flip and run and play and ride dirt bikes and his horse and strum that silly guitar like there was no tomorrow.  He’s right here with me.  Yet I miss him.

I constantly run through my head that ‘it could be so much worse.’ And that I’m ‘missing it’ or just plain being a brat.  While perhaps that is sometimes true, the hurt and losses I feel are real.  What I’m going through is not made up.  All those things were once what helped to make up my husband.  They were attractive to me.

We all have our ‘issues’.  The difference with mine is that I’m allowing anyone and everyone to read them.

It’s a release for me.

It helps me heal.

Perhaps my hurt and open struggle with this will encourage someone.  Perhaps then, it will start making sense.

Just as Graham is choosing to see the good in this and stick with the positives, as his wife, I must do the same.  I want to be a help to him.  I want to encourage him AND those around me.  I especially want to try to see the bigger picture in all this.  I know I eventually will.

Miracle of the day:

Graham’s eyes are continuing to heal.  It’s slow.  And they’re still bad.  But the degree in which they are off is still working its way together.  He bought some nifty sunglasses the other night because his eyes were really bothering him.  The sun messes with his depth perception as it casts shadows.  The glasses are helping.  You may be wondering if this guy should be driving.  Sometimes I have my doubts about the doctor okaying it:0) But, so far he hasn’t gotten us in a wreck!

 Sportin’ the new shades!

Humor of the day:

We’re having a blast with family this summer.  My little man Keith will be turning 3 in about a month.  My vigorous plans of potty-training have been forced out the window as I can’t seem to find the time to do it right now.  Too much fun going on.  I think part of me is hoping he’ll just train himself.

We might be well on our way to that.

He resorted to going outside last night in my parent’s bushes.  Their dog ate it.

I praised him like he was, in fact, a dog….in my mind it’s a start….right!?!?!?

It’s the one on the left….the one who’s been pooping in the yard!

Wyatt helping me with chores!

AND of course….we can’t forget about ‘Fal-Gal’

Thanks for the continued prayers!

 

 

7 Responses to “Update on us 7/13/12”

  1. Pam July 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    Praise God,you are a wonderful wife and mother. Many blessings to you and your family.

  2. Deborah July 13, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

    Your story has been such a God given blessing to me over the past 18 months. I can’t even begin to tell you how the Lord has used your situation to inspire me and give me hope and strength. I praise the Lord for your honesty and for sharing. When times of doubt and hopelessness overwhelm me I often think of you guys.
    Thank you. Love and prayers for you and your beautiful family.

  3. Sally Campbell July 13, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    Randy, your transparent honesty is so refreshing and I love your updates on your family. God is faithful and He will see you through this. I trust each year will get easier as each one really has. Sometimes stepping out and seeing the whole forest gives a more hopeful picture than seeing the individual trees blocking all but the immediate view. Keep on keeping on , precious one. We’re all with you in watching the healing as it continues… Looking unto Jesus, Sally (BTW, my mom used to call me SalGal!) 🙂

  4. Mona Strayer July 13, 2012 at 7:14 pm #

    I was thinking about you today and Praising God for what he spared you from. Emotions and ends of dreams are such hard things to deal with…not the why me, but the deep gut wrenching grief of broken dreams that can never be again. Though God replaces them with other things, it can still be difficult. We all need to remember that those days and weeks of constant prayer need to continue. I am praying God will fill you with His joy and peace as you wrestle through some of the harder moments.

    Too many small things do build up to huge piles you can’t climb over, so you need someone else to put you on their shoulders to get over to the other side. let us be that for you, the shoulders you can stand on. Still praying!

    Mona

  5. Martha Hidalgo July 13, 2012 at 8:35 pm #

    Randy, You may not realize it but God is molding you into the woman He wants you to be, and it is working! Your honesty encourages all of us no matter what the road we travel on may be, to pray that we be submissive to His leading – easy no but we are never alone and there will always be a blessing. Can’t wait to see you all in a couple of weeks:)

  6. Beth July 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm #

    To be honest Randi, since Nathan’s stroke, whenever you mentioned there being parts of him that wouldn’t be same and mourning them, etc… I couldn’t believe it and I hoped and prayed that it just wouldn’t be that way. I am definitely still waiting for some of these aspects of Nathan to return and have not given up hope… maybe some of them still will, but I am finally understanding and really feeling the effects of missing these pieces of my husband… Been thinking about this lately and how you have been a comfort in sharing with me about this. All this to say, you encourage ME as you share openly and hold fast to your Heavenly Father. Thank you Randi!

  7. sharon July 14, 2012 at 10:10 am #

    Randi,
    Thanks for sharing from the heart, it was well said and encouraged me more then you could ever imagine.
    Keep being real.
    I morn the lose of the freedom a mom should have when her daughter is 16 and the fun stuff Hannah would be experiencing if she was “normal”. However, I can see her spreading her love of the Lord in places we never would have gone and spreading her joy to people she never would have met.
    Thanks again, Sharon

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