Update on us 11/3/11

3 Nov

I can’t imagine one day being this person able to think and plan and act out those thoughts and plans without a care or concern as to how it all takes place.  Having thought patterns or struggles that never existed suddenly replaced by confusion, memory loss and a feeling of failure would be overwhelming.  Physically going from being to able to perform work and duties to now, not being what you were and realizing that balance and ability is just no longer there?  Well, it can be frustrating.

Graham is better than most.  He seems to just about everyone ‘normal’ and ‘like the old Graham’ and believe me in SO many ways he IS!!!  We know it could be so much worse and feel so blessed and fortunate that he is what he is today.

It still doesn’t change the fact that to himself and those closest to him…..he is different.  Graham’s biggest struggle is with himself now and accepting his limitations as a human with the type of injury he received.  What’s difficult about this is at times he doesn’t see all his limitations and fully believes he can do what he once did.  He’s much more careful and reserved with life…..not that he was reckless before….but there does remain some things he thinks he can do, which in fact puts him in danger of getting hurt.

As his wife, this is extremely hard at times because I don’t want to see him get hurt, yet I also don’t want to baby him and be looking over his every move making sure he’s safe and sound.

Graham was up on a small stepladder the other night.  Seriously, only off the ground about 2 feet when he lost his balance and fell off.  Kind of funny?  Yes…but a real eye-opener to me about how bad his balance is and how this must affect his emotions and frustrate him as a man……I can’t imagine…This once incredibly athletic guy can’t even stand on a small stepladder without falling off.  I’ve shared this before, but Graham could compete with the best of them and usually come out on top.  His laid-back personality would assume he could easily be defeated in sports or other activities.  This was usually not true.

Just when I want to cry and my heart breaks for him I am reminded of so much.

I recently read this book by Christina Scofield called “My Life: and Lesser Catastrophes.”  It’s the story of a husband and wife who while traveling on their motorcycle hit a patch of loose gravel and crashed into a ditch.  The wife was fine, but the husband was paralyzed from the collarbone down.  WOW!!  Now that’s tough!  Suddenly, she had to do everything for her husband and not only that, but this once healthy and strong guy couldn’t even blow his nose on his own.

Would I be the only one having a thought or two every once in awhile like “This would have been easier if he had just passed on and joined Jesus in Heaven?”

I would highly recommend the book to anyone going through a tough time.  Her attitude and sense of humor through an extremely traumatic time are to be praised!  She continually pushes everything back to the Lord, which is a whole lot easier said than done……I would know.

I honestly don’t know how I would do ‘life’ with a paralyzed or severely injured husband who couldn’t do much for himself, although, I never thought I’d have to do life with a TBI husband.  I guess I’m doing it though.  Death, hardship, a miserable marriage, wayward children, abusive family, cancer, financial worries, and life in general are truly all doable with the Lord’s help.

In a lot of ways we are all in the same boat of hurt, struggle and hardship.  Some are just on rougher waters.  We are never promised easy and calm waters…in fact, we are promised the opposite.  I am not saying nor am I implying that Graham and I are on these “rough waters” and “poor us.”….I feel we WERE on some pretty rough waters and just as every storm must eventually calm and ultimately end….so our storm has calmed.  With help from the Lord we are dealing now with the “after-effects” of this storm and the clean up, although hard, is going as well as can be expected:0)

Miracle of the day:

Graham has had several Dr. appointments lately.  He received more Bo-tox and had another eye appt.  He drove himself to BOTH appointments on different days and it’s no short/easy drive.  He didn’t get lost and he even managed to run some errands for me afterwards.  All by himself he found where he was to go, attended ON TIME, and arrived back home safely!!  Yes, I was nervous.  His treat to himself while he was out was a drink from Starbucks and some coffee to take home for later use……he knew that if I was with him this wouldn’t have happened:0)….let me just say, he deserved it!

Humor of the day:

This past weekend ran away from me and on Monday morning I began to think back over our weekend and eating habits.  It hit me that I only remembered Graham eating one time during the entire weekend!  I’ve shared that he can’t feel his stomach AT ALL and so if there’s food there he’ll eat it and if not he’ll simply not eat.  We got busy, and well, with me feeding the kids and the kid inside me, I was not paying attention to poor Graham.  He seemed weak on Monday morning, but at first I thought he was over tired.  NOPE….over hungry, but he didn’t even know it:0)….I felt awful and made him come home from work to eat some eggs, toast and I packed a HUGE lunch for him…..

I’m feeling a bit guilty about it all because I CAN feel when I’m hungry and lately it seems to be all the time!!!

Guess I’m not winning any wife of the week awards here:0)

4 Responses to “Update on us 11/3/11”

  1. Matthew Melville November 3, 2011 at 8:46 pm #

    Thanks Randi! Great insights on what God is doing! Exciting to learn from you and Graham through this journey. Know that we pray for you!

  2. Tami November 3, 2011 at 11:39 pm #

    Honey, you might not win wife of this week, but in my book you are up for the wife of a lifetime award!!! You are just too hard on yourself. You have 2 active little boys and are pregnant on top of all of this. It does not surprise me at all that things are over looked. The fact that you caught it and remedied it is the best thing that you could do. I think that if I were in your shoes, I would be a hovering mess. You get nervous, but you let Graham do things for himself, by himself. That would be so hard for me to do. Therefore, I would probably make my husband into another child to care for which would not be the right thing to do. You are trusting God daily and following a Godly family situation. The Godly husband at the top and you, trusting and supporting, and most of all loving, wife by his side. All I can say is keep on doing what you have been doing and know that we are following your progress and praying for all of you!!!

  3. carlos November 4, 2011 at 12:11 am #

    Randy: You are so right. We were never promised that there would not be storms. However, He did promise, that He would carry us through the storm. He has, and continues to do that for Graham, you and the kids. We praise Him for all of you and for your real and transparent faith. God bless you.

  4. Elaine November 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm #

    Thanks so much for sharing your heart and soul. We are praying for your family and for God to continue to provide daily encouragement and support..

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