Update on us 8/18/11

18 Aug

With the summer slowing down a bit for us I’ve had more time to ponder and mull over the incredible things that have taken place.  I’ve wanted to share them, but I’ll admit part of me doesn’t really want to.  It’s not hard for me to express here, but what is hard is the human nature we all have of what others will think.  I’ve had to realize we all have our problems whether it’s personally, financially, in our marriages or work related.  We’re fooling ourselves if we think we’ve got it all together.   That’s why I’m going to share this; because I don’t have it all together and if I can be an encouragement to someone out there, well….then it’s worth the possible judgments.

No marriage is perfect, and even though Graham and I love each other very much and have had an amazing one so far, it definitely took a hit when he got hurt.  For a long time I was making every single decision and taking the lead in just about every area, not because I wanted to, but because I had to.  On top of all that, Graham personally struggles now with self-confidence and the need to feel wanted from me.  I’ll spare you all the tiny details, but to say our marriage was suffering at the beginning of this summer would be an understatement.  We have never fought this much, and what was kind of funny was I have never heard Graham swear at me as much as he was.  He just isn’t that kind of guy…..well, brain injuries bring out some fun and very interesting sides!

After speaking with Graham, I approached my brother while he was here to meet and counsel with us.  My brother counsels all types of people; it’s what he does for a living.  Just the word “counsel”/ “getting counseling” made me feel strange.  Did we really need this?  Are we really that bad off?  I had to put my personal pride aside and take the plunge.  I knew my brother would not only give us straight-forward, practical, and scriptural based advice; but, he would be brutally honest with both of us.  None of that sugar-coated stuff to make us feel better or that “yeah, we’ll be fine, we just hit a few bumps in the road.”

Well, I found out that these “bumps in the road” were actually there before the accident.  They just got big really fast when he was hurt.

I cannot even begin to describe to you how good it was for Graham and I to get this godly counsel.  There were lots of tears (mostly from me of course) and some giggling too.  For example….

Humor of the day:

Matt gave us quite a bit of homework at first….lots of questions that we had to write the answers to on paper.  Graham’s responses to some of them were just plain funny and maybe even just “typical guy”

“How have kids made your marriage better and how have they made it worse?”

My response was detailed out with several areas and points for each one.

Graham’s response……  “They have made it better and they have made it worse.”

Really?   We all just laughed.  Graham hardest of all.

So much was talked through and just the process behind why we as husbands and wives respond like we do.  It all goes back to Genesis 3 and the fall of man.  I had NEVER heard some of the things we went over and so much was made clear to me.  We talked through how important it is to spend alone time together WITHOUT children and out of the house.  It has helped us so much.

Probably the neatest thing for me has been when the hard moments come and we’re ready to spit fire; I’ve caught myself, submitted and we’ve talked it out in love.  I say this with happiness that we made such huge progress over the last couple of months and although we haven’t arrived….we’re doing much better!

I would encourage anyone who’s been married for several years to go through something like this; or at least talk to someone about your struggles, whatever they are.  It helps so much.  There’s nothing worth investing into more than your marriage.

Miracle of the day:

We have 5 horses at our place….and they are all special each in their own way.  Trimming 5 horses hooves every 6-8 weeks for someone who has limitations now on his left side has become quite a challenge.  When Graham was hurt we had some friends do them, which was such a HUGE blessing.  I am almost embarrassed to admit some of the methods we’ve used lately to “get the job done.”  Bales of hay, buckets and me!  If I could’ve video-taped how we were doing it, EVERY ferrier out there would turn their heads in shame.  Well, I decided to purchase something called a “hoofjack” to help Graham during the trimming process.  This thing has been such a blessing to us!!!!  I no longer have to hold the leg up while Graham tries to trim, or visa versa.  It easily holds the leg for you allowing Graham to focus on making his left hand/arm do the job it’s suppose to!  Here’s some pics of it!

Mesquite is patiently waiting her turn on the hoofjack!

Some last minute Mi-mi and Pa-paw time before they headed back to Indy!



6 Responses to “Update on us 8/18/11”

  1. Paul Canady August 18, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Your heart felt honesty and comments are so important. Thank you for sharing honestly regarding your marriage (and every other marriage out there). Getting those good counseling checkups from a godly, biblical counselor is so important for our mental, emotional, spiritual, and I’m sure, even physical health. Well done you two. God’s best.

  2. Becky Wade August 18, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

    You are a very wise young couple. We have assisted about 20 couples over the last 15 years with their wedding plans as a ministry for the Lord. We would encourage them to let us do the work on the wedding details as they work on the marriage part. When we would say “Marriage is hard work” that often sounded negative to them. We remember it being a surprise to us how hard it was and we needed wisdom. We are celebrating 43 years of the most fulfilling accomplishment we have ever done together. Any wonderful marriage is work–dying to self daily, putting the others needs before your own, choosing to reflect Christ and on and on. But God will bless us in our efforts and He delights to help us. So know all of us are just like you and Graham–learning to love each other more every day! With love, Becky

  3. Tami August 18, 2011 at 10:53 pm #

    Randi, please do not worry about any judgments from the world. You are doing everything possible to please your Lord and Savior. God is leading you to reveal things through this blog that are definitely helping people and you are glorifying Him as you do this. Please just continue to look to Him for your guidance and do not worry. I for one, know that I have been drawn closer to Him through reading the words that He has given you. I have not gone through anything like what you have, yet somehow things that we both struggle with, I can identify with. You have been such an inspiration to me, showing me what I should be doing, turning things over to God that are too big for me. Thank you so much for your honesty. It really does touch people. Love….Tami

  4. Dawn August 19, 2011 at 12:29 am #

    Wish I could “like” Tami’s comment. Agreed, Randi. And though we’ve never met, we are sisters through our heavenly Father and our WOLBI home. Your words over the past year have blessed and taught me far more than you will know this side of heaven. Thank you for your raw honesty in your journey and in speaking about the struggles of marriage. You have encouraged and blessed me today. Thank you, Father, for the willingness to share that you have given to Randi. May you continue to uphold and bless her and her family.

  5. stephanie m. August 24, 2011 at 3:00 am #

    Randi, whenever I think of you I say a prayer. Stay strong. Love big. Counsel is good but I am not sure I would want a family member to counsel my husband LOL. Changing is part of life. You have made me think hard about the vow — better or worse — I think in life we want better and best!!! Run from all things evil and cling (even if its with a pinky) to good. Be blessed. You are loved

  6. Dara August 26, 2011 at 8:26 pm #

    wow, thank you for being so open about the reality of your marriage… like everyone else’s… not being perfect. great to hear that you gained so much insight from your brother! 🙂 (I’m sure you doubted it would ever happen when you were little kids… oh, siblings. haha)

    thanks for posting! I will still be reading whenever we find internet access, even as we move all over! 🙂

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