Update on us 5/21/11

20 May

Graham and I have had some hard decisions to make recently, that I’ll be honest, just plain hurt!  It hurts because once again we’re hit with the realization that things are different now.  Graham’s limitations and restrictions are sometimes hard to swallow and I still find myself holding out for some of those “things” to come back.  Accepting has a whole new meaning to me now; one I never knew existed.

The water works have been on lately for both of us as we continue to come up with nothing for the big WHY question.  I’m convinced the answer to this will remain unanswered, at least for now.  And it’s okay, but that doesn’t stop my crazy thoughts to occasionally shift to things like why us?  Why like this?  I’m feeling hurt by you Lord, is that normal? And the big one of where do we go from here?

I don’t know where we go from here, especially now.  Right now….in the midst of hardship and struggle when the hurt is sometimes so deep and painful, it’s easier to just ignore.  My feelings and emotions are anything but constant, but rather changing and twisting like the wind and rain we’ve been getting here lately.  Something not so deep, profound, or even new has been working in my soul and it’s been encouraging to me right now where I’m at.

This God of mine, who made all the universes, this planet and the billions of people that live in it, loves me……ME!  Sure, we’ve all heard this before, even sung about it in songs, but I know it’s real.  I’ve truly experienced the deepest kind of love He has to offer.  I know it’s real because when these hard decisions come that I’d rather just sweep under the carpet a bit longer, He’s right there alongside us guiding and directing, supplying that famous peace you just can’t describe.  I know it’s real because when my thoughts turn ugly and I doubt and get mad and just want to scream, He’s still there, waiting and helping me get back to truth and reality.  Not by force, but by simple, pure and constant love; the kind we all dream about.  I know His love is real because He’s continuing to work in both of our lives and we are better because of it.  Our marriage was pretty amazing before, but it’s even deeper now, with canyons and caverns yet to be explored.

Miracle of the day:

Graham is sportin’ some new lenses.  He had an eye appointment about a week ago and even though his eyes are NOT improving the doctor discovered a few things that might help him more.  By methods I can’t understand, nor begin to describe, the doctor was able to find out that Graham’s eyesight has shifted downward, causing him to strain A LOT with focusing and putting the two objects together.  He now has “amber” tinted lenses as well as adjusted prisms and he isn’t straining as much.  Just so you know, with or without the glasses, Graham sees two objects one on top of the other.  Obviously, with the glasses it’s not as bad.  Please pray with me that these will just make him more comfortable.

Humor of the day:

I thought I’d try to redeem myself in the whole cake department.  Wyatt helped me decorate, but it’s still pretty awful.  I’m beginning to think I need to stay away from cakes! I’m kind of making myself out to be a bad baker and cook aren’t I?

An interesting fact about me is that before the accident I could put anything in the oven without setting a timer.  Somehow I always managed to pull it out just in time.  Just a gift I guess.  Well, guess what?  That is no longer the case.  I keep thinking I don’t need a timer and I keep finding out that in actuality….I do!  Not sure if the accident is to blame or two crazy kids running every which way.

Here’s some fun pictures of Graham and his occupational/physical therapist aka Bonnie Goldberg (my sister).  He’s well behaved for her and unlike me, she’s not too hard on him.

  working hard!

What’s this all about?

Thanks B for all you do!

 Keep praying!

5 Responses to “Update on us 5/21/11”

  1. Lisa Criscitello May 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

    It was a pleasure to meet you! We are praying for Graham and your entire family every.single.day.
    P.S. I am the worst baker I know. Eric says it’s because I don’t measure anything. Hmm, who needs measuring and who needs timing? How about you and I stick to cooking?

  2. Erin May 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm #

    Randi – I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately and am still praying from Cali! Despite the tears and struggle, you are bringing God glory… praying that He continues to guide you through the grief over the loss of things past, and that He gives you joy for what He’s giving you today. Love you all… xxx

  3. Dara May 20, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    i will never say that I understand what you guys are going through…. I have no idea. but my heart aches when I try to imagine what you are feeling. i cant think of seeing Drew unable to do what he once could. At the same time though, I’m so thankful that your honesty paints that picture for the rest of us–so that, first off, we know a little bit about what’s going on on the “homefront”, and also that we never take our husbands [or wives, whatever the case may be] for granted. I am still so in awe of the God who proved the doctors wrong and has Graham standing up leading worship on Sundays!!!
    I love what you said… that the God who has basically a million things “bigger” than us would care to love us, as tiny and potentially meaningless as we could let our lives become. WOW. thank you for bringing it to our attention, as well. as you said- nothing new… but I never want to take it for granted! love so amazing…!
    this is getting really long, but im not done quite yet… haha about the cake. well, at least you got to have some mother-son bonding time, and im sure it tasted fine. or even better than fine! 🙂 not everybody’s into making cakes to sell them, so it’s all good. haha

    love you

  4. Donna Langman May 21, 2011 at 1:31 am #

    I burn everything now! Especially if I barbeque! I think you just have your hands full. So, how does Graham drive if he sees double? Steve had his license taken away while he was still in a coma and still doesn’t have it back, three years later! We are hoping within the next 6 months. Steve’s eye is still not aligned but he isn’t seeing double any more so maybe just give it some more time. Hang in there. The old Graham is still in there and little pieces will show themselves more and more and he will come out a new and improved Graham! It is a long process though so pace yourself! We are still not there either.

  5. Sharon Faulkner May 22, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    thinking of you often and still praying …. Blessings sharon

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