Update on us 5/9/11

9 May

When we started this journey many months ago and I was first writing about Graham’s condition and our life now I wrote many things about us “being in this for the long haul,” and “this is going to be a long haul” etc.  I didn’t even know then how LONG of a haul it was going to be, or how hard.  I can’t even begin to describe how tired I feel at times of trying to continue on this road and the only thing I want is a ticket out, another route, an easier path, an exit ramp.  I would even hitch hike out of it if I could.

We are still very much in this and as much as I’ve accepted Graham for who he is now and for how great he REALLY is doing, it’s still painful and at times I miss the parts of him that have left me.

With the weather being nice now, we have found ourselves outside more.  We have always loved being outside doing many activities as a family.  If I would let my kids, they would seriously live out there all the time.  I had hoped with the lifting of the winter blues, Graham’s abilities and the life that once was would come sprouting up as well, just like my tulips.  Unfortunately, that has not been the case.

Recently, Graham was in the yard and had just finished therapy.  We thought it would be good for him to run a little and chase the kids around. You know, good therapy.  Everything is therapy now:0) Anyway, he was doing well, until he tried doing two things at once and fell on the side that was NOT hindered from the accident.  Now we have an arm that is slow due to injury, and a shoulder that is so sore he can’t lie on it and painful to touch.  He also over-compensated going down our stairs in the basement and sliced a nice section of his big toe.  He was never accident prone before, but now I’m beginning to think with his balance and everything else, that he might be.

Granted, I know this is all “small” stuff compared to what we’ve been through lately, but it’s just painful to watch and painful physically for him.  Part of me can’t help but wonder when this cruel, sick joke is going to be over.  Graham at times, feels like he just can’t handle any more and I find myself right there alongside him feeling and crying out the same things.  Sometimes I just want to throw a fit complete with stomping, pouty face and then throwing my body on the ground demanding my way.  That would be kind of funny, but rather ridiculous too.

I’ve been so comforted with these verses lately that Graham’s sister, Abby, sent to me.  I have them plastered on my cupboard and I cry every time I read them.  Here’s just one:

Psalm 145: 13b-14

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.  The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. 

I have to keep holding onto his promises to me.  I have to.  No matter how bad it hurts and however long it’s going to last.

Miracle of the day:

Not all has been rough since the last post.  Graham had an appointment with his Botox Doctor and there has been improvement with his hand and it’s motor skills.   He’s been working with a therapist from Sunnyview and that has been encouraging as well.  He has all sorts of new exercises now and will be getting more Botox in July.  Crazy to think we’re coming up on a year here!  The Lord has done so much and continues to provide miracles to me just when I need them.  He is ALWAYS good.

Humor of the day:

One thing the therapist has Graham doing is keeping a Day Planner.  When he came home to show me what he had to do in it I just laughed.  A Day Planner!?!?!?  He is just not the Day Planner kind of guy.  It’s really funny seeing him with it and writing in it.  I’m betting it will only last a week or two.  What do you all think?

Don’t worry…..even when we have rough days and weeks, we’re still very much in love!

Please continue to hold us both in your prayers, and thank you for your love and support!

10 Responses to “Update on us 5/9/11”

  1. Joey Feltz May 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm #

    Thanks for sharing your heart and posting pics, too! One of the verses that I have been thinking about a lot this week is in Phil “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.’ I love the thought that I don’t have to be the one to finish what God has started, He is!
    Praying for you guys this afternoon that you will be able to rest in Him and find new reasons to rejoice and sing Hallelujah!

  2. Phil Ackerman May 9, 2011 at 6:39 pm #

    Randi, my heart really goes out to you. In perhaps a small way I understand what you are experiencing. Following my Open Heart Surgery I was non responsive for about 4 days and then by the Grace of God I came out of it. Only problem is I am not the same person I was before the surgery. I struggle so hard to be the husband and father that I was before and for the most part I am but I feel there is always something missing. To everyone I appear myself but I know in my heart that I am not the man I use to be which causes me to be so conflicted. I share this perhaps because I may have a small glimpse of what Graham must be experiencing. I know what it feels like to want to be restored to the man I use to be. You are such a blessing and I am convinced Graham would not be as restored as he is without your endless love and prayers. All I can say is God promises that He that began a good work in you will not stop until all is completed. He has plans for you, Graham and your entire family and God was not caught off guard by the accident. He still has every intention of completing the work He began in you both. Remember, He is Able more than able to accomplish what concerns you today. You have been and will continue to be in my prayers. The Body of Christ has no boundaries. We love you from here in Fishers, Indiana!

  3. Lisa Barry May 9, 2011 at 6:51 pm #

    I know from personal experience that God is always faithful. I know you know this, too, as I have seen His wonderful work in you as I’ve journeyed with you (virtually) this past year. Don’t apologize for having bad days…we all have them! I’m still praying, still believing, still hoping. Hang in there, sister!

  4. Sharon Faulkner May 9, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    Lately it has been the little things that have tripped me up… I understand how you feel. I will be praying, it’s helpful to hear the details, it helps me to understand how to best pray.
    Hugs, Sharon

  5. Heather May 9, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

    I continue to pray for both of you and your family! your faith, by the Lords strength, continues to challenge me, and remind me of the abundant list of things we each have to be thankful for…Here are some verses that have really been speaking to me lately about the inner strength we find in Christ. Praying they bless you as well. Ephesians 3: 14-20

  6. Donna Langman May 9, 2011 at 11:40 pm #

    I remember the one year mark for us and I think that might have been one of the hardest times for us. The reality of everthing had hit, I was missing the old Steve terribly and I felt very much alone. Steve continued to get better but not as dramatically. He stumbled around, fell down, and was pretty much like a drunk man every night ’cause his brain was just tuckered out. It is almost three years for us and he is becoming more and more like the old Steve. Still lots more healing can take place but we are pacing ourselves. We have learned a lot of patience!

  7. Bryanna May 10, 2011 at 12:29 am #

    I love reading these posts Randi, they are such a huge encouragement and a great reminder to me to cling onto the Lord with both hands and trust what He has for me rather than what I think I want for myself.
    I love the pictures!! 🙂

  8. hazel hammond May 11, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

    thanks for posting an update I will keep you in my prayers GOD is always in control of our lives and the miracles he has given you and graham are just what GOD does be safe and lean on him love hazel

  9. Jessica May 16, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    Gary spoke at Indy Metro Church in Indianapolis, IN yesterday, and his message on Waiting for a Miracle was centered around your family’s story of faith. I do not know you, but I was encouraged and moved by your faithfulness to your husband and God. Your committment is an inspiration.

  10. Emily Hix May 21, 2011 at 12:40 am #

    I just wanted to let you know that me and my family are still saying prayers for you and Graham and the boys daily. We love you guys and have laughed and cried along with you over your many posts since the accident. Please give Wyatt and Keith kisses for me and tell Graham that Emily said hello and that I’m praying for him and that he’s doing a great job would you? Oh and your not a terrible cake maker! I remember thoroughly enjoying that coconut cake you made and left for us to eat one day last summer while watching the boys. 🙂 I love you and am praying for you Randi! Please let me know if there is anything I could ever do to help!

    In Christ With Love,
    Emily Hix

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