Update on Us 12/20/10

20 Dec

I have to admit to everyone that I had a pretty rough week last week and I want to share some things I’ve been learning RIGHT this moment so maybe I can be encouraging to those reading this.  I am definitely grieving the “loss of Graham” and I also think everything I’m going through is “normal.”  Even though I can reach out and touch him, talk to him and even laugh with him, there is SO much that is different and so much that has been lost.  I’m trying to not focus on all that has been lost, but rather trying to live in the present and enjoy my life how it is now.  That’s a lot easier said than done, by the way!  I struggle with living in the past anyway, so this is especially hard for me to let go of.  It’s an everyday choice and sometimes a moment-by-moment decision to make.  Watching him struggle to put the kid’s shoes on, zip their jackets up, or better yet, watching him struggle with his own jacket and shoes is just another hurtful reminder to me that things are different and still difficult.

I have much to deal with in my life as far as that goes, but there is something even more that I have to work on.  I have been Graham’s caretaker for the last 4 ½ months and have basically felt like I have another child to care for.  I have had to make all the decisions, make sure all the bills get paid, and basically keep things running in the home.  I am weary from it, but it’s all I know how to do right now.  With Graham still healing and feeling more himself I need to let him lead me once again and be the leader of our home.  Believe me, I want this so badly for not only me, but for him as well.  Making it happen is another story all together.  I’m realizing what I say has a lasting affect on Graham and I have to be careful what I say and how I say it to him because he NEEDS to feel important as a man.  He draws so much strength and confidence from me right now, and what I say affects him more than if anyone else said it to him.  No pressure right!?!?  Wives out there, something to think about right?  As I’m sure Graham is like most guys.  PLEASE pray for me in these areas!  That I will 1) live in the present time and not focus so much on what Graham used to be like and 2) that I will let him start leading his family again and making decisions and choices so that his confidence will grow.  The weird thing for me is that Graham was ALWAYS so sure of himself and knew what he wanted.  I don’t mean this in a cocky or arrogant way, it was just how he was.  He knew what he believed and where he stood on EVERYTHING!  Now, he’s not so sure, and it’s hard to watch and even harder to realize that I’m impacting it!

Miracle of the day:

We went riding with some good friends of ours the other day.  The surreal thing was that we went to the ranch where I worked and where the accident took place.  Graham had not been on a horse down there since he crashed on Crocket and I have to admit it was pretty amazing seeing him up and riding again!  It’s a truly amazing miracle to me that he was able to ride once again where he had had the accident.

Humor of the day:

Before the accident Graham was “anti-texting!”  He thought it was dumb and a waste of time.  He would state that it was “easier to just call someone.” Since all of this happened he sends out countless texts to family and friends.  Nothing of which is important, but he still continues to do it.  I would go as far as to say he is addicted to it.  He claims he is careful NOT to do it while working and also says it’s good therapy for him.  Graham is becoming more of a “techie” each day!

Keep Praying!

 

5 Responses to “Update on Us 12/20/10”

  1. Ashley Swauger December 20, 2010 at 8:17 pm #

    My husband Paul and I have followed Grahams progress. We knew Graham in High School and we were in choir and ensemble with him. A friend encouraged me with this verse a long time ago! I hope that it meets you where you are! Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Hang in there, our prayers are with you both!

  2. Cindy Baker December 20, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    Randi, once again thank you for sharing your heart. As I was reading what you are struggling with and what Graham is struggling with it made me think of all our servicemen and women who probably are struggling with some of these very same issues after being on ship or in the war zone for many months at a time and then returning different people facing the changes that have taken place in their own lives as well as in the lives of their family and loved ones…makes me realize that I should be praying for all those that are making sacrifices on a daily basis no matter where they are or what they are doing. Praying for you and Graham as you continue to lean on Him moment by moment day by day. The Lord surely has GREAT things for you still to come.

  3. Joey Feltz December 20, 2010 at 9:28 pm #

    I’m praying that you will have wisdom to know what to say and what NOT to say as well! It sounds like you are making very smart decisions!
    I will be praying for you tonight to have a good night’s rest! xo

  4. Codie December 20, 2010 at 10:16 pm #

    Praying….. Thanks for the good reminder to us all that what we say, especially as wives, has a lasting impression on the men that we love. A good lesson for me to take to heart to try and be more uplifting!

  5. Tammy December 23, 2010 at 2:37 am #

    Randi,

    My Father’s ways may twist and turn
    My heart may throb and ache
    But in my soul, I am glad to know
    He makes not one mistake.
    (Author Unknown and this is only one stanza of the poem)

    This is the only part of the poem I remember, but it sticks with me day after day.It has been a great comfort and reminder that no matter what, God has it all under control and before the events in my life happen He knows how I will react and how long this new season of life for me will last.

    Your season of life changed the moment Graham was injured, but everyday, even though it has been slow, has been a miracle to watch for you and for us to read as you write. Your transparency has helped the prayer line to heaven to remain open and busy 24/7. While you don’t know most of us, we thank you for allowing us to be a part of your lives in that we have have the privilege to pray for you on a regular basis. I must say that your reactions to your situation are not selfish, but rather normal. As you have hurt, other have hurt with you, and as Graham has healed you have healed and so have we. This is what is so wonderful about the Body of Christ! What a Blessing!!

    Someone once said that “God chose your husband to go through this and in turn He also chose you.” We never understand and do not need to, we only need to make sure that our reaction to the situation we are going through brings Honor and Glory to our Lord.

    May you at this Christmas time be one of great reflection on what Jesus has done for you and for your family. Keep in mind that God is Good and all the time God is Good.

    You are in my daily prayers,
    Tammy of Indiana
    Joshua 1:9

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