I know I can’t be the only one who wonders when ‘that next bad thing’ will happen again. Sadly, I think this is normal. We are human. We naturally struggle with trust. With our faith.
My daily vision of this miracle in my husband, his life, his breath, still has me doubting at times. I am guilty of not trusting the very One who healed and answered not only my prayers, but those of many others. I catch myself trying to plan and control those parts of my life, my children’s lives. Like He needs my help and won’t do a good enough job.
I have no rights in any of the planning and as I know first-hand: absolutely no control.
This reminder should make me happy. It should take all the worry and fret away and I should rest easy. Thus, I should pleasantly place all that I hold dear into His hands.
But, let’s be honest. We all fear that phone call. We all think about the what-ifs, the harder times in life. How we would deal. I’ve had the nauseous feeling in parts of my stomach, the kind you fight so hard to keep down. That sinking feeling of despair was at one time, a close friend.
Even though ‘our story’ seems to play a happy ending, I sure don’t want to be the first to sign up for something like that again. No thanks.
But, I’m afraid the Lord is going to ask me again. My family again.
It’s sometimes a daily struggle for me to place my kid’s, my husband, my other family, in His hands. That He has their best interests in mind. That He’s going to keep them safe.
I never used to struggle with this. But, now I do. I don’t like living in this fear. It’s hard for me when I’ve seen so closely how fragile life is, how quickly it can change. And what if He does want us to walk a road I’m not particularly fond of? What happens then? What happens when the story doesn’t end with miracles? Would my faith survive that as well?
It’s been two years for us. Two years.
Somehow everything still revolves around pre-accident and post-accident. And I’m not sure that will change. Every time I see his scars, I am reminded. Every time I see him struggle getting dressed, or tie his shoes, I am reminded. Every time he almost trips and falls, and sometimes does come crashing down the stairs, I am reminded.
All of that pales in comparison to when I look at his daughter. The one he shouldn’t have had. It’s in those quiet times I have with her that I am reminded yet again. And that reminder is pretty huge: life is a gift, both this life on earth and the one I get to have with Jesus one day very soon. I truly have nothing to worry about!
Miracle of the day:
For a brief moment (mere seconds) Graham saw SINGLE objects!! It came and went so quickly, but he did in fact see just one, rather than two. This hasn’t happened since before his accident and he was amazed….his exact words to me were… “I had forgotten what it was like to see like that.” He is back to seeing two, but I’m hoping it continues. He is too!
Humor of the day:
I am knee deep here in diapers, laundry, wiping up crumbs, feedings, oh and lots and lots of this stuff!!!!
She JUST missed the burp cloth too!!! (Go figure)
I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
thank you for joining in this journey with us.