As the two-year marker closes in, reality has definitely found her place among us.
This reality is sometimes awesome: Graham is doing so well! He’s working, he’s being a dad, he’s a husband to me. He’s a good uncle, brother, friend. He’s not depressed and chooses every day to see the positive in his situation.
But the reality stings too. It’s hard: he’s been changed in every area of his life. And although these areas may seem small, there are LOTS of them. Some days they add up for me and I feel I’m facing this big pile of missed abilities, talents and gifts that he was once using so faithfully for the Lord.
I don’t understand it. Still. After two years I haven’t gotten any closer to having the answers. I still grieve parts of him. And I have to accept what the Lord has allowed in our lives. Sometimes even bigger than that is the acceptance of who Graham is.
I am guilty of craving that other guy. The guy before the accident. The one who could flip and run and play and ride dirt bikes and his horse and strum that silly guitar like there was no tomorrow. He’s right here with me. Yet I miss him.
I constantly run through my head that ‘it could be so much worse.’ And that I’m ‘missing it’ or just plain being a brat. While perhaps that is sometimes true, the hurt and losses I feel are real. What I’m going through is not made up. All those things were once what helped to make up my husband. They were attractive to me.
We all have our ‘issues’. The difference with mine is that I’m allowing anyone and everyone to read them.
It’s a release for me.
It helps me heal.
Perhaps my hurt and open struggle with this will encourage someone. Perhaps then, it will start making sense.
Just as Graham is choosing to see the good in this and stick with the positives, as his wife, I must do the same. I want to be a help to him. I want to encourage him AND those around me. I especially want to try to see the bigger picture in all this. I know I eventually will.
Miracle of the day:
Graham’s eyes are continuing to heal. It’s slow. And they’re still bad. But the degree in which they are off is still working its way together. He bought some nifty sunglasses the other night because his eyes were really bothering him. The sun messes with his depth perception as it casts shadows. The glasses are helping. You may be wondering if this guy should be driving. Sometimes I have my doubts about the doctor okaying it:0) But, so far he hasn’t gotten us in a wreck!
Sportin’ the new shades!
Humor of the day:
We’re having a blast with family this summer. My little man Keith will be turning 3 in about a month. My vigorous plans of potty-training have been forced out the window as I can’t seem to find the time to do it right now. Too much fun going on. I think part of me is hoping he’ll just train himself.
We might be well on our way to that.
He resorted to going outside last night in my parent’s bushes. Their dog ate it.
I praised him like he was, in fact, a dog….in my mind it’s a start….right!?!?!?
Wyatt helping me with chores!
AND of course….we can’t forget about ‘Fal-Gal’
Thanks for the continued prayers!